Lesson from an Inmate: Happiness Requires Connection
Your 3 minute SPARK* to Happier
STORY/PICTURE:
“Hey, Mom, it’s my friend’s birthday tomorrow and we’re all going to cook him a special meal!”
“Oops, Mom, got to go. We’re starting a card game of Spades.”
‘Can you please remember to put some money into the commissary for me?”
No, my son is not in summer camp. He is in jail, awaiting a court date.
I am, suddenly, mother of an inmate - for now. He has been in jail (not prison, that is a whole other situation) for 3 months, and hopefully out soon. The story? That’s for another time.
But I am noticing one thing:
Visitors’ View
Ben doesn’t seem that miserable. In fact, he sounds better than he has in months.
Why? Because, for the first time in ages, he is connecting with other people.
Because my son has schizophrenia, his life is often lonely. Side effects from his medication, and the illness itself, can dull his social skills and more. Though he tries really hard to work past these, getting hired for a job is hard. Forming new friendships is hard. Days are long and formless. And so, on bad days, he turns to marijuana. And then the real problems begin.
But here in jail, Ben is sober. He’s getting his monthly injection. He has fewer choices. He has structure - and, most importantly, he has company. 55 other men, in the same boat. And some of these he can call friends.
So in some ways, he is thriving. Weird but true.
Of course, this is minimum security, and not a “behind bars” situation, but it’s still jail.
The lesson: my son has more community here than he has had in a long, long time - ever since he lost his restaurant job to Covid and his life came crashing down - again.
Here, he has real people in his life, and minimal exposure to the internet.
The Epidemic of Loneliness is real, and study after study confirms that we need each other to be happier. Happiness requires connection - human connection, not online connection.
Can we learn from Ben, and find more true human engagement in our own lives, we who are free to create the structure ourselves?
ACTION STEP:
Don’t be fooled by the false sense of connection from social media and other online relationships. Reconnect for real, even in small ways.
RESOURCE:
Epidemic of Loneliness report:
https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf
KICKASS QUOTE:
“ Our individual relationships are an untapped resource—a source of healing hiding in plain sight. They can help us live healthier, more productive, and more fulfilled lives. Answer that phone call from a friend. Make time to share a meal. Listen without the distraction of your phone. Perform an act of service. Express yourself authentically. The keys to human connection are simple, but extraordinarily powerful.” -
Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, U.S. Surgeon General
*What's in a SPARK?
Story
Picture
Action Step
Resources
Kickass Quote
